Friday, June 02, 2006
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New skin again! I think I change blogskins a bit too frequently... but I get bored of clothes after wearing them for too long, so it's the same with blogskins, I can't stick to one skin all the time!
This skin + the Save Me skin (see my cousin's blog) are two big breakthroughs in my skinning... erm, hobby. Ah, not a hobby... a... ah fine, we'll just call it a hobby. I've learnt to use clickies! With some reference to Clarice's creations, I must really thank her... if not for her skins (which I downloaded from blogskins.com), I'd never figure out how people can click on stuff and not get redirected to another web page.
And of course, I will never ever forget Wei Ning and Kristy, they're my benefactors in skinning. They initiated me, baptised me and educated me on blogging and skinning.
*On one hand, skinning sounds like some cruel process whereby you skin people alive... ouch.*
And Disney/Pixar, Finding Nemo was like the climax of their collaboration... followed by The Incredibles... preceding Finding Nemo was Monsters Inc... I guess that was about when 3D animation was starting to get noticed, when many companies began jumping on the bandwagon.
I will never forgive Disney for shutting down their cel animation department! And if they ever break ties with Pixar I'm not going to forgive them either.
Enough about Disney and Pixar, now about my life.
It's MY pensive you're looking at, you stupid flobberworm.
Listen to me, you cheap bastard.
I've been having weird dreams.
These few months I've been dreaming of people who have passed on. Sometimes, they're alive, sometimes, they're already gone.
I've been dreaming of funerals and caskets.
I dreamt that my trip was cancelled.
I dreamt that the O Levels have been carried forward and we're supposed to take it this year.
I dreamt that I was falling off... I don't know, just falling, falling, falling, not knowing where I fell off from, not knowing where or when I'm going to hit the ground.
I dreamt that I was married to a man whom I loved in my dream but never met in life.
I even dreamt of my father's grave. And I was smashing my head against it. I woke up crying, my heart racing as though I've been running ten 2.4s non-stop.
But the freakiest dream of all occured on the 49th day of my uncle's death.
I dreamt that my whole family had died. Father, mother, brothers and I. Together. Unknown causes.
We became spirits. I followed my family's bodies all the way to the mortuary, and we all looked like we were just sleeping. Our lips are still red, cheeks rosy.
Somehow things changed, and I dreamt of the funeral. Five coffins lay, side by side. My father's was in the middle, my mother's and mine on one side, my brothers' on the other. People of all sorts came to see us, people I knew, people I didn't, people I knew my family knew but I never knew.
Nobody cried, nobody broke down. It was so peaceful, like we were going to somewhere where things are going to be great, on the condition that we give up whatever great things we have on earth. My family and I, then spirits, were somehow glad to know that people did not think of our deaths as a sad thing or a happy thing, just a time where we are once again separated by a thin line between one world and another. For haven't we been trapped in the same lingo before we came to be?
It was the most peaceful funeral I've ever seen in my life.
The dream fast-forwarded again, and I can't remember anything until the day our coffins were cremated.
My dad's was the first. As his coffin burnt, his image shone and glimmered, brighter and brighter, until he disappeared with a whoop of joy.
Next was my mum's. She did look nervous at first, but before she disappeared, she said, "It'll be okay - we'll meet again!".
And then my eldest brother began to glow. He, too, disappeared, with a jolly laugh.
My second brother was a little apprehensive. But soon he accepted it, and he said to me, "You're next!"
As my coffin burned, I wonder, will it hurt? But no, I only noticed when the light from my heart is piercing my eyes. But it was a good feeling. It was like dragging a few hundred pounds of weight for miles and miles, and suddenly, the weights disappear. I floated, and I became so light I think even hydrogen is heavier that me.
Suddenly, all I could see was the glimmering light that engulfed me and my family. And I was brought to another place - I recognised it at once, my home! And my parents and brothers, they were standing at the front gate, waiting for me.
I ran into their arms, crying and laughing, just happy that it's all over. Our lives may not be complete, but it was a good feeling to die. It was a good feeling to be back home. It was one of the few dreams that subvert reality so much, it actually has the possibility of being reality itself.
For all we know, this might what death looks like.
Lame dream, isn't it?
But hey, it's my pensieve you're looking at, you stupid flobberworm.
[fangying] [1:11 AM]
